Pirate of the Caribbean

I've posted before about the self proclaimed "Food Babe" aka Vani Hari, aka Vain Hair. Whelp, truth is always stranger than fiction, or so the old saw goes, and this food barbie makes a good case for the truth of that.

Whilst her vast "army" was out marching against Monsanto and GMOs, Vani was happily posting pics of her West Indies vacation on Instagram, never once considering that she should be leading this fight against the enemy that she claims is the root of all ills (literally). It seems like basking in the sun (sans effective sunscreen of course) was a much better use of her time and the money she earned from her "army" purchasing the overpriced products she promotes on her pages. A pirate is a thief and this one loves the Caribbean.

From Vani's Instagram

Many of her followers excused her obvious absenteeism, claiming that she works so very hard that she deserves to be on vacation spending her shillbucks on expensive private bungalos and sailboats in the Caribbean. But, many of those of us who aren't necessarily enthralled by the brand of woo she peddles wondered if she had kept to her strict dietary regimes, while enjoying the fruits of her pseudoscience.

Turns out she's a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to that. She'll happily grill the staff about their food products and preparation even going so far as demanding to tour the kitchens and have special meals prepared based on her daily whims. However, according to Vani herself, she can't seem to resist "croissants and the most delicious breads". Now hold on there a moment! I thought that gluten, GMOs and non-organic foods were poison? At least that's what Vani tells her followers every chance she gets. So, tell me why would a poisonous concoction of these foul ingredients be even remotely tempting? Seriously, I hear that antifreeze tastes sweet but I am never, ever, tempted to swig the stuff just to please a temporary sugar craving.

From Vani's Instagram - Echire butter is the most expensive in the world.

So why does Vani claim that it's human to crave desserts and breads? She has also stated that when you go through her juice cleanses and start eating strictly from her $17.99 per month food guides, that your body will crave only good foods. Are you seeing the hypocrisy here? Oh wait, if you look at Vani's real goals, there is no hypocrisy. Vani is in this game to build herself an empire of fame and fortune. The more her army harasses companies like Monsanto, Kraft and Subway, the more she can claim personal victory for any changes those companies do in fact make. Of course, even when they make changes, Vani still won't relent, it only fuels her hunger (pardon the pun) for more fame based on fear 

Take for instance Kraft foods. In particular Kraft Mac & Cheese. She claims a personal victory for Kraft announcing that they would change their formulation for their popular Mac & Cheese to remove the artificial color - that orange color that kids around the world have come to equate with their after school Mac & Cheese treat. But was that enough to appease Vani and her army? Nope. She's like a food terrorist, once she sees that she has a little power, she is unwilling to let it go. In fact, she is demanding that people who purchase from her line of over-priced guides and partner products, NOT purchase Mac & Cheese from Kraft. Honest. This is a screen shot of the Vani's checkout page on her website:

Theoretically these statements are legally binding agreements. Now, I'm not an attorney but that statement sure doesn't seem legal to me. Seems to me that it violates competition/anti-trust laws that prohibit agreements that prevent fair trade between competing businesses. And this, after Kraft bowed to her ridiculous demands?

But back to Vani's perceived hypocrisy. Vani eats whatever the hell Vani wants. Her goal is to make the rest of us follow her rigid guidelines because it brings her more fame and wealth. That's the bottom line. So if Vani gets caught with butter running down her chin and croissant crumbs on her billabong top, she twists it into a way to make more bucks from her army.  She sent an email to her army (full disclosure: she has banned me from her facebook army, her page and even receiving her email newsletters) telling them of her "slip" and proclaiming that as a result, she was doing a webinar; but only for those who would order her juicing guide within 24 hours, to get back on track. Of course, they weren't the ones eating croissants in St Barths, but they should have to pay the price anyway, apparently.  It was when I went to see how much her juicing guide cost, that I found her not-so-legal insistence that you could have her or you could have Kraft but not both. Never both.

From Vani's Instagram; she captioned it: "My ride for the next 2 weeks"

So for Vani's indiscretion, it will only cost you an extra $24.99 and with it you'll get even more pitches to purchase partner products, but hey, your money will help get Vani back on track. Won't you be so proud? I'm guessing that some fan - or not fan - must have snapped a pic of her stuffing her face with foods on the Vani unapproved list, so she took the opportunity to turn a fault into some more big fat dollars for Mr & Mrs Food Babe. After all, 2 week vacations to the Caribbean aren't free you know! But according to Vani. she's personally cheering you on...between dives, sails and croissants. For real, she cares and I guess all  that expensive French butter she's using makes her hair shiny in the Caribbean sun. Don't you wish you could afford some?

So for these reasons, I once again award Vani Hari with our highest honors. The 5 brigade, Too hot to get near, Pants-on-Fire award. (she doesn't buy her own garbage any more than I do)

That's All Folks!

Ads By StealingYouBlindinParadise